One of the most common things you’ll hear as a new author is to “Show, don’t tell.” There is a big difference between showing and telling a story to a reader. In a nutshell, it’s all about helping the reader see the book in the mind’s eye.
In other words, you want them to see the story in their imagination as appears in yours. One of the best ways to do that is to “show” them the story as they read.
The more active you can get someone’s imagination, the better. However, there is such a thing as showing too much.
What’s the Difference of Showing and Telling?
Showing uses fine details to get someone’s imagination to envision a story. Telling is a simple method of describing a general element in the story with fewer words.
Essentially, the more details you add, the more you are showing a story. Although this is a good practice, you can over-show a scene by describing every little element, even the ones that are irrelevant to the storyline.
The thing to remember is that showing slows the pace of a book while telling speeds it up. You don’t want an overly slow book, but you don’t want something that is too fast with less detail.
Readers like to experience a book, not just read a story. The experience is delivered in the details but could make for a boring read if they are too long or nonsensical to a scene.
While writing your book, it’s best that you balance showing and telling.
5 Examples of Showing and Telling
Showing a book is not as hard as some might think. Remember, it all comes down to the details to describe what is going on in any given scene.
If it helps, you can always use the “who,” “what,” “why,” and “how” method for writing.
Let’s look at seven examples and how we can fix them.
Telling:
The old man looked cold standing on the corner of the street.
Showing:
He waited on the corner, hunched over and arms crossed. The man rubbed his hands over his arms to warm himself as frost began to form on his aged orange sweater. His white hair had long frozen in place as his breath escaped in puffs of mist from his lungs.
In this instance, I was showing the depiction of what made the man look old and how he was cold.
Instead of just an “old man,” I added the description of his “white hair” to denote age. Of course, there are all kinds of ways I could have done a bit more to the description to show the age of someone.
I could have gone further and described small frozen teardrops in the crevices of his wrinkled skin.
Telling:
The girl was afraid of the bee.
Showing:
As the tiny yellow and black creature hovered nearby, the girl dropped to her knees and covered her face with her arms. She let out a high-pitched scream as one hand lashed out at the bee, attempting to shoo it away.
Sure, the girl was afraid of the bee. But what did she do to convey that fear? How would someone know the girl was afraid?
Her actions in the description make it obvious to the reader that the girl was, indeed, afraid of the bee.
Telling:
The dog was angry at the mailman, but its chain kept the man safe.
Showing:
His snarl lifted the lips of his mouth to reveal long, sharp teeth. Saliva dripped freely from them as it let out a low rumbling growl; a warning to the man clad in blue carrying envelopes. The rottweiler’s chain held taught, preventing the dog from getting closer to the edge of the property.
In this instance, I am describing what an angry dog would look like. Then, I added a bit more description to the mailman and expanded on how the chain was keeping him safe.
Telling:
The sea was violent, pushing the schooner into the shoals and sinking it.
Showing:
The waves of the sea crashed into the schooner, pushing it further toward the shore. With each pulse of wind and water across her broadside, the ship moved closer to the shallow rocks threatening to pierce its hull. With one final shove, the vessel became lodged in the shoals, unable to free itself. As the waves continued their barrage across the hull, the small ship bobbed against the rocks. The constant repetition began forming cracks and gashes across the planks. Within moments, she began taking on water as the sea and rocks kept her in place.
Although “violent” is a minor description, it could be expanded to put someone in the storm – to feel it, so to speak. What made the storm violent? How did the shoals cause the ship to sink?
Telling:
The house looked scary from a distance.
Showing:
The house stood in the middle of dead vegetation as the autumn winds fluffed up dead leaves in brief puffs. The paint from its white wooden slats peeled away to reveal the grey wooden boards underneath. The front door stood at an angle, attached by a single hinge near the base. Most of the windows were shattered, probably from neighborhood kids armed with rocks scoring points with friends. The roof had long caved in on the left, revealing the beams that once held it firm. The sound of creaking wood echoed from within, which the locals chose to believe were the spirits of the home’s previous inhabitants. During the night, it’s said one can hear the moans of those who perished at the hands of their patriarch.
Yeah, I went a little too far with this one. But, you can see the major difference between telling that the house was scary and showing why it might look scary.
Note the Lengths of Telling vs Showing
In every example above, the description of showing the story made the paragraphs much longer. This means it takes longer to read, and adding too much description for a single moment can slow the pace to the point of being mind-numbingly dull.
Yes, you want to show certain aspects to accentuate the story. But you also don’t want the entire chapter to describe a cup of coffee. As I said earlier, it’s all about creating a balance between showing and telling.
Keep this in mind: showing slows the pace, and telling hastens the pace.
7 Rules of Thumb While Showing
Writing descriptions can be a lot of fun, depending on the scene. If you can make someone feel, smell, and sense what is going on, then you’re doing it right.
Of course, there are quite a few facets to writing a good scene. Also, remember that “good” is subjective to the reader. Not everyone is going to think a scene, chapter, or book is good. So, don’t strive for perfection.
1. Be Descriptive, But…
Remember the pacing of your book. You’ll want important scenes to accentuate the story, but not everything needs an elaborate description.
For example, you can describe a woman drinking a hot cup of coffee if she is your main focus. But the surrounding coffee shop might not need all the minute details if it’s not pertinent to the story.
2. Using Dialogue to Show Emotion
Instead of telling the reader how someone feels, you can do so through dialogue. Speech is an extremely versatile tool for any author as you can describe elements with a few verbal instances.
For example, instead of saying she was angry, you could write dialogue to the effect of:
“You’re pissing me off,” she said pointing at him, her knuckles white from clenching her fingers tight.
3. Using Body Language
Body language is also a great form of showing someone a story or scene. Describing how one holds themselves can denote a great deal about emotion, mannerisms, and behavior.
For example, instead of saying he was frustrated, a way to describe it using body language could be:
He sat on the couch holding his face with both hands. Letting out a deep sigh, he moved his hands across the top of his head as if trying to hold in his thoughts.
4. Include the Senses
Showing a story can also involve the senses, which connects the reader even more to the scene than simply telling. If done right, you can easily immerse the reader to make it feel like he or she was actually in the book.
For instance, instead of saying the car smelled like dead fish, you could write:
He opened the door to the car. The sickly sweet putrid scent of rotting flesh hit his nose as if being struck in the face by a professional boxer. The heat that day had made the raw fish pungent, as he attempted to hold in his breakfast.
5. Have an Active Voice
Knowing the difference between active and passive voice is pivotal when showing rather than telling. Some experts say to remove as many helping verbs as possible with description.
These include verbs like is, am, are, was, were, be, been, has, have, had, etc.
Of course, some lines of the story will just make more sense using helping verbs, which is fine. Nonetheless, removing a few can improve your manuscript.
For example, let’s take The car was fixed by John. We could rewrite it show active voice by removing ‘was:’
John fixed the car.
6. Using Stronger Verbs
You can accentuate certain sentences by including stronger verbs or variations. It’s one of the reasons why some authors will have a thesaurus handy or Google synonyms while writing.
For instance, let’s take the past tense verb, ran. You could replace it with sprinted, darted, rushed, dashed, etc.
Of course, you want to choose stronger verbs that make sense in what you’re writing. It wouldn’t make much logical sense to write something like, “The car sprinted through the red light.”
7. Using Nouns and Adjectives
You can show a person the scene by including specific nouns and adjectives to describe the moment. Certain descriptions can stick with the reader throughout the story.
For example, instead of telling your reader that Bob barbecued a chicken on the grill, you could dive into how:
The air was heavy with sweet spices as the chicken breast began to change, taking on a dark-orange hue. Small blotches of burnt amber skin and sauce decorated the edges as the flames continued to lick the meat.
Balancing Show and Tell
Although it’s true that you want to show the story more than tell it, there is the risk of being too descriptive. Don’t forget that descriptions slow the pace of a story. If you slow the pace too much, it can make for a long, drawn-out, boring read depending on the audience.
It all comes down to how fast or slow you want a scene, chapter, or book. Every story is different and every author has a certain effect they want to convey.
Just try to avoid delivering too much information the reader doesn’t need.
When to Show
You want to show new characters, locations, certain reactions, important relationships, and key elements of the plot. Essentially, any element that is pivotal to the storyline is good for showing.
You want to immerse your reader in those key moments as they are part of what is driving the story forward.
When to Tell
Use telling moments to skip through things like travel or when you need to quickly move the scene along.
For instance, you don’t have to describe the entire ride by horseback from Atlantic City to Absecon. You can simply tell the reader that the ride between the two locations took an hour or so. The travel isn’t pertinent to the plot.
Show the Reader Your Story
Showing your readers a story makes for a gripping and engaging tale. However, there are times when telling is going to help move the story along. You need to create a balance between showing and telling if you want a decently paced novel.
Too much description makes for a long read while not enough can make the writing appear weak.
Don’t simply tell a story. Show them a good one.
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