This will be my last post from the beautiful state of Colorado as I am moving to Los Angeles. The move will force me to make several major changes in my life. As a result, I need to spend time learning how to adapt to a whole new way of living. Even though this move is scary, it doesn’t mean it has to be bad. In fact, changes like this can have a major benefit to them if you try to look at the positive.
Learning New Ways of Doing Things
When you have a certain lifestyle for more than a decade, it can be extremely difficult to break out of your comfort zone. Even if you are utterly miserable, the feeling of being safe in one position can be very overwhelming.
To grow as a person and discover what you’re capable of, it may be necessary to learn new ways of doing things. In my case, learning how to be my own person again is going to help me recover everything that I lost over the years. At least, that’s the hope.
This means I am going to have to reevaluate my entire life and how I am doing things now.
Changing My Work Ethic
I know that I am capable of so much more than what I am doing. Especially since I’ve done it before. Over the past few years, I have become too complacent with having a safety net that I didn’t feel a need to put in 100% of my effort. Part of this is because of the severe depression I’ve been experiencing.
Moving to Los Angeles and putting myself in a completely different environment without that safety net means I have to succeed. If I don’t put in maximum effort, I will not be able to sustain myself.
When you get it into your mind that no matter what someone will bail you out, it diminishes your own sense of responsibility. You can get into the mindset of, “why bother?” At that point, life can take a drastic change for the worse. You can become dependent on others to the point where you can’t function on your own.
And that can be devastating to your psyche…especially if you know for a fact that your capable of so much more but don’t have the ambition to drive yourself.
For example, I know that I can make more money than I have been as a freelance ghostwriter. But I haven’t been putting in the effort to excel because I didn’t feel that I needed to. And this was a wrong way to look at things.
With incredible change comes incredible self-discovery. Now, this can go either way – good or bad. You may realize that you are incapable of doing certain things. Then again, you may find out how much of a bad ass you really are. It’s the former that you should focus on.
I believe that there is nothing that a person can’t accomplish as long as he or she has two things: determination and tenacity. While I am scared out of my mind, I know that I can accomplish what I am setting out to do. That’s because I have been told that I have both of these qualities. Unfortunately, I lost sight of those facts long ago.
Learning more about yourself and what you can do will undoubtedly affect self-confidence and esteem. The trick is to not dwell on the negatives and remember that a failure is nothing more than a learning experience. Once you begin rebuilding yourself as a person, you may find that everything from your freelance career to personal life will vastly improve.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had any real structure in my life. My job lets me work when I want, which kind of backfires every once in a while. I often put a job off until the last moment and then realize that I have little time to complete it as well as other tasks.
Learning to build that structure is going to take me a great deal of time. I’ve been doing things a certain way for so long, it’s going to feel alien to me. However, it needs to be done. Otherwise, I’ll be stuck in a similar rut that I am leaving behind.
Not Settling for Mere Survival
One of my biggest issues when it comes to my freelance career is settling on minimums. I tend to focus on the bare necessities and try to do just enough work in order to meet those small goals. This has caused a great deal of financial distress over the years.
I know money doesn’t really buy happiness. But having the funds to do some of the nicer things is quite fun. I am tired of just being mediocre in the things that I do. Which is why learning to go beyond settling for survival is so important to me.
Paying the bills is only one part of being financially secure. Do you have a retirement plan? Do you have a way to support yourself if you break a leg? Is there a financial cushion available in case you’re sick? As a freelance ghostwriter, I don’t have any of those. Because I focus on mere survival, I don’t squirrel away any monies in the event of an emergency.
I know, sounds pretty hypocritical coming from someone who knows what needs to be done financially as a freelancer. And that is part of why I need this change.
Learning to Let Go
One of the biggest problems I am facing right now is learning to let go. There is so much hurt and anger in me that it often clouds my judgement and sends me spiraling into depression. And I have faith that I will let it all go eventually.
I often dwell on the bad points in my life and forget the good things that have happened. I focus on the negativity, which affects my personal and professional lifestyles. It’s things like client rejections or piling bills that make it difficult for me to think straight. Yes, I am one of those people who don’t often practice what they preach.
And that’s part of this massive change from Colorado to Los Angeles. It’s not because I am trying to run from my problems. It’s because I am looking to find myself and regain everything I have lost over the years. In my current state, I have no doubt that I would sink even faster into my depression and negative cycles.
Moving Beyond Who I Am Right Now
This move is going to force me to realize who I am as an individual. I think the absolute hardest part is going to be staying in a positive frame of mind. This is especially difficult because I am such a negative person. But it’s something I really want.
I don’t want to wallow in self-pity anymore. I don’t want to worry about scraping by because I am too lazy to go beyond my abilities. And I don’t want to be miserable anymore.
My life is full of filthy emotions, negativity, depression and anxiety. I have a hard time breathing nowadays because I am constantly in a panic attack. However, I know that will change as long as I am willing to learn more about who I am and who I was back in the day. All it takes is for me to believe that I am still the bad ass I once was who never let anything stop him from achieving his goals.